The Secrets of Outdoor Etiquette in Madrid

Today was a gorgeous day in Madrid. T-Shirt weather in fact! I only put my sweatshirt on at the end of the day when the sun went down.

There was not a cloud in the sky, and everyone in Madrid was out on the streets. Literally.

Little children were riding around on bicycles, slamming into each other and everyone around them. Their accompanying parents were talking to each other or window shopping, generally paying no attention to their little devils on wheels.

Adults were on bicycles, mostly ones that made lots of noise, "navigating" the sidewalks and most likely trying to show all the spectators that they were indeed better bicyclists than their 5 year-old counterparts. I really did not see much of a difference, mainly because they chose to ride their bikes on very crowded sidewalks in the first place. That is just a bad idea. In between the tables, the passing crowds, the waiters, the children, the strollers and everything else on a busy street, there is just NO room for a bicycle. So why not choose another method of outdoor enjoyment? Go play ball in a park or just choose to ride your bike somewhere that has more than an arms length of open space!

Despite the bikers, the senior citizens were also out in hoards, walking along side by side, arms linked and walking sticks out. I am not sure how the devil children did not plow into any of them, but I did not witness any bike accidents.

Then there are the rollerbladers AND skaters. Yup, I said skates. And they are also on the sidewalks with the previously mentioned groups. This group is particularly dangerous, because many of them do not know how to stop or maneuver around the large crowds. My friend Steve actually got "bladed" into today by a girl who could not make it around the large masses of seemingly unmoving-people in the park. Do her defense, she did apologize.

The dogs are their own group. As you know, most people here do not own a leash (well for their dogs anyways) and the dogs are free to roam the street. I personally wouldn't be so keen to take my dog out on a street with all these crazy people out there, but there was still your usual group of dogs donning ugly sweaters. I must say, I did see more leashes today than usual. I suppose those Madrilenos are aware of the crazy people on wheels.

Add in to the mix my favorite group of people, those who are just trying to go somewhere. I fall into this category, and I immediately become annoyed with all the other groups of people. Why? Because they seriously hinder my travel speed and make it nearly impossible to enjoy any sort of walking without bumping into people and becoming agitated within seconds!

As you can imagine, walking around by the park simply isn't an option. Walking through the park is nice, but you can only dodge flying soccer balls and children with balloons for so long. Therefore it becomes necessary to sit at one of the sidewalk cafes.

Megan and I initially decided that we were going to the park this afternoon. However, on our way to the park we realized that we were hungry, and that we could enjoy eating outside while tomando el sol. Perfect!

The idea was so perfect, that apparently my entire neighborhood decided this would be the perfect way to pass an afternoon as well. As a result, the normally crowded sidewalks were packed with the usual suspects, plus the tables from the cafe. Megan and I walked up and down the street, past the bar customers who had littered onto the sidewalk, past the happy people (who I think were gloating about having secured a table) and back and forth. We tried to tell ourselves that it wouldn't be so bad to eat inside, but our hearts told us something else. However, at this point of changing our minds, a large group was getting up. Salvation! We rushed out to the table, only to find that previous lurkers had already claimed the in-the-process of being abandoned tables (I mean people were picking up their jackets) and Megan and I were again out of luck.

We then assumed a position on a ledge with a clear view of the available tables. We started placing bets on who would get up first, the large group of preps, the family, or the other smaller group of young people. I placed my bet on the family, and I wish I had placed money because I was RIGHT! The family gets the cuenta (check), pays and is starting to get up when a very posh-long haired- ralph lauren- expensive sunglass- wearing male comes over and grabs two seats (the mother was still in her chair) and brings them back to his table (where he easily has 10 chairs). Megan and I look at eachother with confusion. We were standing RIGHT in front of this table, how could this have happened! Another couple then tries to swoop in and take the table, but the father assures him that we were waiting. Yup thats right we were waiting for a table with the hope that we would BOTH be able to sit down, but now we just had the one chair. We took the table regardless, and we both continued to stare down at the group who was dominating all the chairs from this restaurant.

Megan stood and braved the sun while enjoying her Clara from a birds-eye view of the table. Luckily,the table next to us cleared up shortly and Megan was able to get a chair. Thank you to the old man who stood up before the rest of his group stood up! Love to the old people´s manners.

In the meantime, the ever-growing group was loud and apparently expecting more friends. I watched in amazement as the long-haired fellow (who was apparently watching a group that was at least 6 tables down) strutted over and took MORE chairs before another group got up. I shook my head and ate some cheese, but this guy was ridiculous.

Apparently the system here is a no shame attitude. There are no manners! If you are standing by a table, there is no problem in standing there and jumping in as soon as the people are getting up. Megan and I were waiting for the family to get up, and look where it got us! Chairless!
There is also normally no waiting list, although I did see ONE waiting list yesterday. There is no order at all as to who gets a table. There is no problem with whisking away chairs and leaving tables with none! It is a complete zoo. I think longingly back to the 45-minute waiting lists back in the states, and while I am annoyed by waiting in general, I think back to the land of some table organization, the land of SOME manners. The waiters here don´t care if there are chairs or not, people are clearly going to order food!

To make a long story short, don´t have manners when you are waiting for a spot in the sun. You will not get one. Be a vulture! Lurk by the tables, watch for people waving their hands for the cuenta, jump in "kindly" to ask if they are leaving soon. Because if you do not, you will be sitting inside a dark restaurant while the ones who didn´t have shame are soaking in the sun.